Change

Life has been interesting for me these past months. It has been full of change, and it will only change more. But the change is good, so good. I am getting married this July. There are so many emotions I have about this, but this blog is not meant for me to express them or that specific change. It is meant to talk about change in the heart. My fiance challenged me to develop a consistent discipline of seeking the Lord each day. For a while this year I had been very inconsistent in my time in the Word. There would be weeks where I would read daily, and then gaps of two weeks where I would scarcely even touch my bible.

I have realized a few things about myself this year.

1. I love routine.

2. I need change.

When my spiritual life becomes routine, it becomes chore-like. I have meet quite a few people like this and they seem to agree that change is what best stimulates growth. So I don't know what this looks like. For instance, this morning, I just thought I have not written a blog in months, so why not write one?

I guess I am realizing for me, time with the Lord is not limited to me being still and praying and reading for a half hour every morning. It is so much more than that. Our worship of the Lord should be an expression of our love for Him, taking place every moment of every day in all that we do. But there is a practice that is scriptural of setting aside time to simply seek Him, whatever that means to us. We see David worship for days, the Prophets put on sack cloth and fast and pray. The apostles breaking bread, praying, being taught from the Word, and fellow shipping.

So, the point of all this is simple. Don't get stuck!

We have so much freedom in how we enjoy the Lord, and that is just it... we are to enjoy the Lord. So try something different if you are in a rut. Wake up earlier. Go for a walk and just pray. Listen to worship music. Journal. Blog. Listen to a podcast. Practice thankfulness. Read old journals. Worship through song.

Do whatever you need to do to be with Him. And enjoy Him.



This morning I have been blessed to simply enjoy the words of a few worship songs by candle light. And through that I was inspired to write this blog.

I was also encouraged by a word from Ephesians.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places." Eph 1:3

remembering His goodnes

The past few weeks of my life, I have been struck more and more with the realization that I am growing up. For some reason, I get really reflective and nostalgic in the fall. It probably has something to do with the fact that I turn 22 in a week, which is crazy to think about. But more than that, there have been a few things going on in my life that have made me stop and say "wow, I am not a just a kid anymore." For instance, I changed my major last week. When I did, it hit me that I made that decision myself, without having to ask permission to do so. I have come to a place where all the decision I make are ultimately ones that I have to make, not anyone for me.

On a different note, I have seen the goodness of God so abundantly and richly in my life lately. I am in a place where He is bringing clarity to the direction of my life and where I believe He is leading me. It is exciting to be alive right now and to be apart of this community. It brings me so much joy to see others go through Off The Wall, community, and discipleship and be impacted as I was three years ago. And now at 22, for me to be in a different stage of life and watch it all happen from an outside perspective is honestly so humbling. To know that Christ wants to work in the guys and girls lives like He has done in mine makes me smile and want to just worship Him.

When I think about who I was three years ago when I first arrived in Tuscaraws Country, Ohio it amazes me to see how The Lord has done such a transformation in my life. And I am so excited to see it begin to happen in the lives of others. He has used a few seemingly inconspicuous friendships to lead me here, to be discipled and make friendship that have eternally impacted me. And He is just showing me more and more that He has a plan. The journey of following Christ always has its surprises and I am seeing His plan begin to unfold before me eyes.


JN

breakthrough

Have you ever had an experience in following Jesus where you convince yourself you are supposed to do something, yet deep down you know The Lord has given you a passion for something completely different, yet you ignore it and are blind to it until He puts it right in front of you. I had an experience like this this past week.

I started college as an Integrated Mathematics major. Basically what that means is I would be certified to teach Math in grades 7-12. I had chosen this major more by a process of elimination rather than a well thought out or prayed out decision. What I did not realize is that this major requires a very rigorous course schedule including taking all 4 levels of Calculus. After this last semester of scraping my way through Calc 1 with a B-, I knew I would be in for it the next few years, my weekends buried under a Calc book doing problems. What I didn't know is how passionless I was about math. I thought I liked math, enough to make myself work through the more difficult components of it. What I discovered is I like more simplistic math, not the advanced parts of it.

This past week a friend of mine gave me a book that listed all the people groups in the world and how to pray for them. The vast resources in the book amazed me and I realized that the region in China where I had spent 3 years as a child was probably in that book. I had been doing (or more accurately attempting) Calc 2 homework when my friend came in with the book. I flipped though it until I found Anhui Provence, China and started reading. Then it happened. As I saw descriptions of the state of the church in Anhui, a passion and desire grew in me. It became so clear. What in the world am I doing Calculus homework for? I have no passion for that. It became so clear that I want to impact unreached and unengaged people with my life and share the gospel with them. I realized I have desired this all along, but have been afraid to just come out and say it. Calculus would do nothing to benefit that desire. But teaching English would. So the next day, I changed my major. Integrated Mathematics became Middle School Education with a focus in Math and English. You might wonder what the big difference is. It is actually pretty huge. The Calc 1 class I barley scraped through because the highest level of math required for that major, and I already passed it. With this new degree, I would also be certified to teach English at a middle school level, which I hope the Lord can use someday somewhere to further His Kingdom. My degree actually now has a purpose.

So I am pretty excited right now. There is an actual direction I am going with college that could be used to further the Kingdom and make disciples. And I am learning how to find joy in doing school work, something I haven't been able to do thus far in my college life. The Lord is good all the time. It just amazes me how He used a friend and a book the help me see that I had been doing something I had no passion in the midst of doing Calc 2 homework. I am excited for this journey ahead and to see where He takes me.

The Gospel Effect

The past few weeks, and I would say even months, my soul has been in a place of, well, tension is the best word I can think of at the moment. The past few months I have been confronted with a question. It haunts me. It is a question that scares me because of the implications it has if I believe it is true.

Do I really believe the gospel? I mean really really believe it?

I have grown up with it, have been comfortable with it, and have called myself a Christian for as long as I can remember. But do I really believe the gospel? Because if I do, it has radical implications about how I live my life. If I really believe that over 5 billion of people in this world are currently living under the judgement of God and if they died today would go to an eternal hell of judgement, wrath and condemnation, then the implications on my life are eternally and radically huge. I can't live the "Christian life" I have been so comfortable with living. But the thing is, I am not the only one feeling this way. Many of my friends have expressed the same thoughts. Pastors like, Chandler, Platt, Piper, MacArthur, Driscoll and Chan are all preaching this biblical understanding of what it means to follow Christ. It is my hope and prayer that the rest of the the american Church is convicted and wants to live their lives solely for the glory of God and supremacy of Christ. This is biblical living. It may look radical to the current church, but it is how Christ commands us to live. It is simply biblical living.

I believe that God is already at work among a few in this country to change the way we have done Christianity. In the words of David Platt, there are many who want to take back our faith from the american dream and plant it in the truth of the gospel.

Man, it is so hard sometimes because we are surrounded by this church culture that for the most part preaches that as long as we are saved everything okay. We can kick back, enjoy our wealth until we die because we know we are going to heaven. We have bought into this lie that somehow Jesus is pleased with us if we live comfortable, selfish lifestyles as long as we don't do the really big sins and go to church and small group. But as I read the gospels and about the lives of the early church I am convinced that we as the 21st century church in America have got it completely wrong. There is nothing in scripture that says "get saved so you can enjoy earthly treasures". Jesus actually rebukes many people of this and warns that this type of behavior leads not to eternal life but to torment. Just open the gospels and start reading and there it is.

I don't have many answers. I just know that I have lived so selfishly and comfortably for too long. I really want to know what it means to follow Christ. To really follow Christ. To really view my life as a living sacrifice and completely surrendered to Christ. I don't just want to write a blog about this. I want Christ to consume me and the life He has given me to live. I want to be abandoned from the things of the world and attached to Christ. I want be able to say as Paul did, "For me to live is Christ and to die is gain." I am so far from that statement right now. I am not even close. There is much fear and doubt, but mostly fear I still need to work through. But I can't do it on my own. I need you. I need you who is reading this to encourage me. I need you because you need me. We need to walk through this together. If we are really going to live as his true church and bride, we need to do this together.

Let us finish the race together so our Lord can say "well done my good and faithful servants. Enter into the joy of your master."



JN

new

I am going to give blogging a shot again this school year. Honestly, it has been hard for me to sit down and journal this summer. I cannot quite figure out why when I have more time on my hands, being disciplined becomes more difficult.

I hope for this blog to be a little different than the last few I have dabbled in. I have entitled it "life at 503 1/2", quite simply, because my intent is to record what goes in my life in the coming years. For some time now, I have been pondering where I am at this point in my life in contrast to those around me. I am two years into college with two years left. I have been a commuter student thus far and will graduate as a commuter student. College has been a recent topic of thought for me. It has always been a point of contention with myself, as to what purpose it will serve in my life. I have had a chance to really think about this with the time off from classes this summer. The American culture has a way of inadvertently swaying young people to make decisions, big decisions, about their lives. College, a major decision in anyone's life, is probably the most culturally accepted thing to do. The majority of young American's my age go to college. I would also guess that the majority of them do so without thinking as to why. I have a few friends who have chosen not to go to college. A part of me really admires them and their anti-cultural decision. And apart of me thinks they are crazy. So I often find myself asking the question "why am I in school"? My answer is more by a process of elimination rather than purposeful intent. My thinking goes like this.

Do I know what my future occupation will be? No, not completely. Do I want to work with my hands as a source of income? No, not at all. That leaves college. Do I like business? No, it bores me to think about. Medicine? No, I am not that diligent of a student. Law? I feel the same way about law as business, but on another level. What does that leave? Sales, education and finances. I like to teach and I like high school age kids. Lets go with education.

When I am asked if I want to be a teacher, "I don't know, maybe" is my typical response. So I ask myself if 50,000 dollars is worth spending on something I might do. I have a really hard time answering that question, mainly, because I have no idea what I would be spending my time doing If I wasn't in college.

I guess what it comes down to is I want my life to be open to be used by the Lord. I know I can teach and I know the world will never have a shortage of teachers. As the days draw nearer to His coming, I think some countries will become much harder to get into. The gospel must be proclaimed to every tribe and tongue and if a college degree is my ticket into a country that would be otherwise closed to foreigners, then yes, 50,000 dollars is absolutely worth my current lack of certainty.

But all in all, teacher or no teacher, I want my life to be defined by Jesus. I have a really hard time thinking that a middle class American lifestyle will the most purposeful use of my existence in the light of eternity. But that is a post for a later date, as I need to do much praying and thinking about that. Thanks for listening to my ramblings.

JN