breakthrough

Have you ever had an experience in following Jesus where you convince yourself you are supposed to do something, yet deep down you know The Lord has given you a passion for something completely different, yet you ignore it and are blind to it until He puts it right in front of you. I had an experience like this this past week.

I started college as an Integrated Mathematics major. Basically what that means is I would be certified to teach Math in grades 7-12. I had chosen this major more by a process of elimination rather than a well thought out or prayed out decision. What I did not realize is that this major requires a very rigorous course schedule including taking all 4 levels of Calculus. After this last semester of scraping my way through Calc 1 with a B-, I knew I would be in for it the next few years, my weekends buried under a Calc book doing problems. What I didn't know is how passionless I was about math. I thought I liked math, enough to make myself work through the more difficult components of it. What I discovered is I like more simplistic math, not the advanced parts of it.

This past week a friend of mine gave me a book that listed all the people groups in the world and how to pray for them. The vast resources in the book amazed me and I realized that the region in China where I had spent 3 years as a child was probably in that book. I had been doing (or more accurately attempting) Calc 2 homework when my friend came in with the book. I flipped though it until I found Anhui Provence, China and started reading. Then it happened. As I saw descriptions of the state of the church in Anhui, a passion and desire grew in me. It became so clear. What in the world am I doing Calculus homework for? I have no passion for that. It became so clear that I want to impact unreached and unengaged people with my life and share the gospel with them. I realized I have desired this all along, but have been afraid to just come out and say it. Calculus would do nothing to benefit that desire. But teaching English would. So the next day, I changed my major. Integrated Mathematics became Middle School Education with a focus in Math and English. You might wonder what the big difference is. It is actually pretty huge. The Calc 1 class I barley scraped through because the highest level of math required for that major, and I already passed it. With this new degree, I would also be certified to teach English at a middle school level, which I hope the Lord can use someday somewhere to further His Kingdom. My degree actually now has a purpose.

So I am pretty excited right now. There is an actual direction I am going with college that could be used to further the Kingdom and make disciples. And I am learning how to find joy in doing school work, something I haven't been able to do thus far in my college life. The Lord is good all the time. It just amazes me how He used a friend and a book the help me see that I had been doing something I had no passion in the midst of doing Calc 2 homework. I am excited for this journey ahead and to see where He takes me.